Never Alone
by A. Heimby
Summary: Harvey thought he was on an up turn but is repressing everything really working? This is a one-shot bromance, but if you squint the "b" just might look like an "r". Mike/Harvey *Slight spoilers for S5E1*


_First, I'd like to apologize for my lack of writing for quite a while. I find it extremely difficult to find time to write, even harder when I have to keep re-reading what I have already for a story, but I have not abandoned my stories yet._

 _Second, I'd like to say thank you to all the readers who still have a little faith in me. I only hope I can prove it is well placed._

 _Last, I'd just like to say that I had to write something, anything, so I wrote this. A quick little one-shot to get some of the thoughts in my head out after watching the first episode of this season._

 _Hope you enjoy it at least a little,_

 _-A. Heimby_

* * *

It had hit him out of nowhere in the middle of the game. One second everything seemed fine, he and Mike were talking, and the next he was hit by a wall of panic. He trailed off in the middle of telling Mike he expected to be the one to throw the younger man his bachelor party, finding it harder and harder to breathe.

His panic only got worse as things started to tilt and everything seemed to fog over, the world getting drowned out by his frantic heartbeat. Using every ounce of skill he had developed in his years as a lawyer he tried to discreetly stand up and walk away, hoping to make it to a bathroom, preferably one that was deserted, before it got any worse. After what felt like hours he finally found a bathroom and pushed his way in, not wasting any time before dropping to his knees in a stall and relieving his stomach of what little he had managed to make himself eat that day.

After it finally stopped, he rocked back on his heels letting the back of his head hit the wall of the stall. Closing his eyes tight he tried to stave off any further retching as he prayed that he had managed to get away without worrying Mike, after all, if there was anything Mike truly excelled in more than being a lawyer, it was in caring.

SUITSTIUS

Mike had looked up when Harvey stopped mid-sentence and was startled by what he saw. The older man's face was white as a sheet and there was a thin sheen of sweat on his temples. He seemed to be gasping for breath and his hands were visibly trembling, as well he seemed unable to focus.

Voice unsure and shaky, Mike had asked, "Harvey? Are you okay?" Putting his hand on the man's shoulder when he got no response he tried again, more insistent, "Harvey?" Not getting any sort of hint that the older man had even heard him Mike started to panic, but before he could do or say anything else Harvey was shooting to his feet and stumbling off in a rush, looking a drunken man to the rest of the world.

Surprised by how fast Harvey could move while stumbling so badly, Mike tried his best to keep up with him. He briefly noticed that he was following Harvey into the ladies room before brushing it aside and rushing toward where he was, kneeling in a stall, emptying his stomach contents. Not really knowing what to do Mike got back up and grabbed a handful of paper towel, wetting it before returning to Harvey who was now leaning against the wall of the stall, his eyes squeezed tightly shut, looking like he was doing his damnedest not to throw up again.

Kneeling down next to him, Mike put a comforting hand on Harvey's shoulder before gently dabbing at the sweat gathering on the man's forehead. That brought out the first response he got from Harvey since the whole thing had started what seemed like an hour before, but was really only a couple minutes.

His eyes flying open, Harvey had gasped, "Mike? What are you doing here? How did you know to follow me?" His breathing was still labored and there was still panic clear in his eyes as he seemed unable to keep focus on one spot of Mike's face for more than a second or two.

Mike only squeezed his shoulder tighter as he took in the sight of Harvey Specter, _the Harvey Specter_ , falling apart before his very eyes. Sure, he had known Harvey had been having a harder time than normal, Donna leaving him was huge, but he had never thought it was this bad. As he searched for something to say, something that might help, he conceded that maybe he had known and had just ignored it, because he really had no idea what to do and had no idea how to deal with this, how to help; after all, Harvey always saved his ass, it rarely ever went the other way around.

Unable to stand the silence any longer Mike settled for a quiet and worried, "Harvey?" When the lawyer made no move to acknowledge him or even look at him, Mike took the hand from Harvey's shoulder and instead used it to grasp Harvey's chin, gently making the man look at him. What he saw as he looked into those brown eyes had his heart stopping dead as waves of fear, pain and sorrow came crashing over him, knocking the breath from his lungs. Mike felt that telling tingling in the back of his eyes as he sadly asked, "Harvey?" Never had he ever guessed he could ask so many different questions with just one single word.

Shaking his head Harvey made it clear that this was not a place he wanted to talk, and as a group of women gathered behind him to see the two strange men he found he agreed. Standing up again Mike helped the other man to his feet before steering him by the shoulders out of the washroom and to the front of the building where Mike put Harvey into a cab before getting in himself and giving the cabby Harvey's address.

The ride to Harvey's was dead silent, even the cabby picking up on the mood as he turned off the radio. Mike payed the man without a word, dragging Harvey out of the cab and into the building, still saying nothing. As he lead Harvey through the lobby a few people who worked there sent concerned looks but no one said anything, so it wasn't long before Mike was plopping Harvey down on the couch and moving away to get him a glass of water.

SUITSTIUS

There was a small part of Harvey that panicked more when he opened his eyes in that stall to see Mike's concerned blue ones looking right back, but overall it proved to just be calming. Though he still couldn't really get his mind to focus he found his mind wasn't dwelling on all the bad things going on in his life, all the painful things, at least most of them; instead his mind jumped around with thoughts of Mike. He thought about how proud he was of the younger man, how grateful he was that he was always there for him, about his upcoming nuptials and the woman he loved, as well as all the things he always denied thinking. He also thought about the fears he had that Mike would leave him as well, move on with his life and the new family he was working so hard to create.

By the time he was sitting on his own couch with a cold glass of water on the table and Mike sitting beside him, not taking his eyes off of him, he had thought himself in circles, through dozens of emotions, and he was tired, no, he was absolutely exhausted. He couldn't understand how Mike could always do it, give in to his emotions, because after only a few hours, or maybe it was more like the last month or so, Harvey felt like he was about to drop, pass out and not wake up for days at least.

Sighing heavily, Harvey let his head fall back onto the couch, closing his eyes and trying to will away all his thoughts. He had always depended on repression, and though that sometimes resulted in him blowing up and punching someone, it usually did him well enough; it got him through all the drama of his parents when he was a kid, it got him through his Dad's death, Scotty leaving, and when Mike had left to go work for the banker. Though he would admit only to himself that he had barely gotten through the latter, it had almost broken him, and he was sure Donna would say that it had.

It wasn't until he let out another great sigh that Mike spoke again, apparently tired of waiting for Harvey to do it on his own. Turning to face Harvey beside him on the couch, Mike let his fingertips rest on Harvey's elbow as he asked, always far too quick and smart, "How long have you been having panic attacks this bad, Harvey?" When he didn't even open his eyes Mike added, in a quiet and hurt voice that made his heart swell, "Why didn't you tell me?"

No longer able to resist, Harvey opened one eye and looked over at Mike. He regretted it almost instantly because the amount of emotion he could see on Mike's face had him feeling dizzy again. Not really sure what to say, but not wanting to further hurt Mike, he just as quietly said, "I didn't want to bother you with my personal problems," he looked down at his hands in what most would say was shame as he almost inaudibly added, "Besides, I didn't want anyone, most of all you, to see me like that, so weak and pathetic."

There was another long stretch of silence and Harvey hoped that meant Mike had not heard the last bit, but his hopes were soon dashed as Mike let out a near hysteric laugh before incredulously saying, "Having emotions doesn't make you weak and pathetic, Harvey, it makes you human." There was a fondness in Mike's voice as he added, "If you had come to me I could have told you that, you idiot." Harvey didn't have to look up to know there was a small playful smirk on Mike's face but he couldn't resist the temptation.

As countless emotions once again bombarded Harvey's mind he found himself talking without giving his mouth permission, asking in a whisper, "Are you going to leave me to, just like everybody else does?" His hand also had a mind of its own as it grasped the hand that was resting against him elbow. He found he couldn't breathe as he waited for the answer to the question he never thought he would ask aloud.

SUITSTIUS

Mike would have responded instantaneously if he hadn't been so thrown by the question. Of course he would never leave Harvey; the man was a major part of his life, only rivaled by Rachel. He was the reason Mike had a life at all, why he even met Rachel in the first place. Even when Mike had left Harvey for another job he had not left Harvey fully. The older lawyer would always be a part of his personal life, even if he wasn't always a part of his professional one.

After far too long of a pause Mike finally managed a shaky, "Of course I won't, Harvey. I'd never leave you."

Mike was startled when the hand that was grasping his tightened and a cloud past over Harvey's face as he harshly spit out, " _Bullshit_. Everybody leaves, and when you finally realize you're better off I'll be completely alone, not even Donna left to comfort me." There were angry tears in the man's eyes as he squeezed them shut and his breathing began to speed up. Mike watched as Harvey was once again hit full force by a panic attack. Harvey didn't seem to realize he had a death grip on Mike's hand still, but nonetheless, he tried to use it to his advantage, squeezing the hand back.

Shifting closer Mike gently placed his other hand on Harvey's cheek trying to get the man to look at him, and he waited until he did. When Mike was looking into teary eyes he forcefully told Harvey, " _That_ is bullshit. I will _never_ be better off without you, Harvey, and that is why, no matter how emotionally repressed you are, I will never, ever, in a million years, even consider leaving you." The intensity in Mike's eyes only grew as he told him, "As long as I'm alive, Harvey, you will never be alone. Just like right now you are _not_ alone."

The sincerity in Mike's eyes was undeniable but there was still a part in Harvey that doubted, was just waiting to get hurt, so Mike did the only thing he could think of to help Harvey believe him. He pulled Harvey into a tight hug. Mike was to emotionally exhausted to be thrown when Harvey started to shake with barely suppressed sobs as he held onto Mike for dear life, but that didn't stop him from hugging the man he looked up to tighter, from whispering comforting words he remembered his Grammy used to whisper to him.

When Harvey finally stopped crying Mike quickly realized it was because the man was asleep, had probably passed out from exhaustion, so he shifted their position slightly so Harvey was lying with his head resting on Mike's chest. Once he was comfortable, Mike let his cheek rest against the top of Harvey's head, and tried to fall asleep himself, though he was doubtful that would happen, he was pretty sure he'd be up all night just to make sure Harvey slept peacefully. He'd sleep when Harvey was closer to being back to normal; after all, he owed Harvey that much, and far, far more.


End file.
